I had major control issues. Not just of controlling, but also of being controlled. I realize a lot of things now that I didn’t realize before.
- The reason I tried to control situations, people, and things was to protect myself; to make sure I eliminated the possibility of being hurt or taken by surprise. It was completely coming from a place of fear.
- I was trying to be prepared for everything and had a plan for everything, actually multiple plans (A,B,C,D), but i didn’t realize it was coming from a place of fear. Fear results in control in order to protect oneself.
- Trying to control everything actually causes a lot of anxiety and makes life way harder than it needs to be. You plan more for what’s never going to happen than what actually is. You also may miss out on a lot because you have eliminated the possibility for some amazing things due to being inflexible. Sometimes the unexpected is a beautiful thing.
- Being easily controlled and manipulated was also out of safety. I was afraid of disappointing people or letting them down, so I’d allow others to dictate what I would do, feel, and say to keep them happy. Being a people pleaser leaves open a huge door to being manipulated and controlled. Notice that I said I “allowed” people to. I wasn’t really being controlled. It was a decision I was making to allow others to control me, even when they didn’t realize it. It was a me problem, not them.
- Allowing yourself to be controlled and manipulated creates a vicious circle because then we tend to control what we think we can control to keep us safe from the control of others. I know it sounds crazy, but that’s what happens. It’s a vicious cycle that MUST end.
One day in conversation I said something that I had never really thought about until after I said it. I just blurted it out. Maybe I heard it somewhere. For all I know it was something that the Holy Spirit said to me…not sure where it came from. BUT, it was pretty powerful and hit me hard.
The Bible does talk about control and there is one AND ONLY ONE type of control we SHOULD have; SELF-CONTROL. Many times we control everything and everyone, yet lack self-control which is the very control that we are to have. Looking back, during those many years I struggled with control, the type of control I actually lacked was self-control.
I praise Jesus that I finally accepted His freedom and am learning to exercise self-control. Life is a lot easier now and I want everyone to experience the freedom that comes with trusting Jesus, giving up control, and demonstrating the fruit of self-control.
Here are some verses that discuss self-control. Look them up; read them; and may the Life and Truth of the Word of God set us all free.
2 Timothy 1:7
2 Peter 1:5-7