I wrote this one year ago today (March 10, 2020) and made some minor edits.
Censorship is one of the tactics the enemy has used through my entire life. This is not something I’ve always known. I just came to realize this in the last couple months as I go through the classes in the book writing mentorship.
Sharing my feelings, my thoughts, my beliefs, and who I really am was always a careful calculation. While some would call it wisdom, and there are times it is, that’s not what I’m referring to. I’m referring to fear controlling and manipulating my words and actions. I know I’m not alone in this. Unfortunately, I’ve found this to be all too common.
Over the Summer of 2019, the Holy Spirit started speaking to me about BEING authentic, raw, real, and vulnerable. The objective: getting rid of shame. Shame was the first immediate and evident fruit of human’s disobedience. Shame was sin’s reward. I wasn’t realizing that there were aspects of my life filled with shame. Shame was still censoring me in areas in my life.
I didn’t focus on the shame and figuring out how to get rid of it or how to heal from it. The Holy Spirit simply began leading me down a path of discovering the Father’s love more deeply. That became my focus. Vulnerability and authenticity, together, was the key to moving into the depths of His love. As I walked further and further into the ocean of His love and my feet suddenly couldn’t feel the sand under my feet, I just let go. When I let go, I became completely vulnerable and dependent on Him.
Surrounded by the ocean of His love, shame simply had no place to reside. I didn’t have to rid myself of it. Shame was simply overtaken by His love. As His love increased in my life, authenticity and vulnerability became a way of life.
As I seek my Father, I fall in love with Jesus, and partner with Holy Spirit – and boom – life. There’s not striving. Things just happen. When Holy Spirit leads me into truth, when He teaches me things, it is a call to transform, to become. While it’s a call to action, it’s not an action He’s calling me into. He’s calling me into becoming; into being.
The more I become, the clearer I see things. I’m able to decipher Him (God) from the one who wishes he was him. In my life, the enemy of our souls will never be my god. There was a time where he used fear and shame as avenues to be my god. He used fear and shame to censor me.
I will use Divine Wisdom, but I will not be censored by the enemy. I am in the depths of the ocean of His love where I know who He is, because He surrounds me, and I know who I am because I am in Him. The confidence and assurance that comes from such intimacy leaves no room for shame. Without shame, there is no reason to censor the words that are given to me that flow from His throne, into me, and come out of me.
There are springs of living water that are flowing within me and I will not contain them any longer. This morning a wrecking ball tore down the dam and I sense the gushing. It is time! Shame is gone and censorship is no longer possible.
Love. What does it look like? The accurate question is, what does HE look like? I’ve seen Him. I’ve looked in His eyes. I’ve felt His embrace. It’s time that I share the depths of His love and what it really looks like.
2021 – the year of PURPOSE!