Ever since I said “yes” to writing and joined Unlocking Your Book, it’s been a whirlwind. To describe the last year and a half as a wilderness doesn’t seem accurate because I don’t feel alone or dry. It’s been more like an obstacle course with objects being thrown at me while I attempt to get to the other side.
The items being thrown on this journey through the obstacle course aren’t small, like eggs or lemons. They are couches, cars, and boulder sized objects; just as big and just as heavy. The Holy Spirit has allowed me to dodge the items, however, I can feel that I’m covered in scrapes, bruises, and fragments.
This obstacle course is not a short 1-miler. It’s definitely an endurance event. I’ve run 10 marathons and an ultra. I planned for those races and trained leading up to it, but this – this endurance obstacle course I’m on, I didn’t plan for. One evening, I was thrown off a cliff and found myself here.
I know the objective. It’s to steal, kill, and destroy. Jesus is king and I know that God is greater than anything the enemy throws at me. The exhaustive and depleting nature of this course, though, is beginning to wear on me.
I’ve become extremely dependent on the time I spend with the Holy Spirit. It’s my nourishment and I can say wholeheartedly, it’s the only reason why I haven’t given up and allowed the raining items along the course to trample me. I’ve also become dependent on my community. I am an introvert. Historically, I would have completely isolated myself, but I’ve intentionally and purposely been reaching out on a regular basis to those who truly love and support me.
Making it as far as I have has only been possible because there are times I’m being dragged or carried to keep me moving forward. Between the Holy Spirit, my husband, daughters, and community retreating or standing still doesn’t seem like an option.
Along with my book, I’ve been writing a devotional. I made the decision to write the devotional as part of the activation for this mentorship, but also because I was in need of wisdom. The Holy Spirit knew that I would need the reminders, keys, and discipline the Scripture offers.
Emotionally and mentality it has been a difficult few weeks. The desire to put up my hands and surrender has been intense, but I feel Father whispering “just hold on a little longer” every time I feel like letting go. These are the moment where the scripture “in my weakness He is made strong” comes to life – literally. That is my hope and all I have to hang onto.
So I’m holding on to that hope; that He be glorified as His strength is seen when I have nothing to give.
The last couple weeks I slowed down in my writing. I don’t feel guilt or or disappointment that I failed to fulfill something I set out to do because I know Father is working some things out in the broken places so I can share His hope with others.
Unlocking Your Book set me on a path the enemy didn’t like. He threw me off a cliff waiting to see if I’d survive and hoping I didn’t, but He who is in me is greater than He who is in the world. What he didn’t realize is that my Father already had me on a hike to the next mountaintop and what the enemy did was propel me onto a path that will accelerate my arrival to the next glory.
This route is NOT easy. But I don’t need easy. I just need possible. And with Him, all things are possible.