I was on the phone with my mom, venting. She was attempting to console and remind me that everything was going to be okay because God was taking care of it. Months of witnessing the strength of lies and darkness filled me hopelessness; a sensation I had never known prior. In that moment, her words of comfort brought me frustration and an anger stirred up within me.
I yelled, “I don’t even know if God even exists anymore! All I see is evil winning! All I see are lies being believed!” and threw the phone across the room shattering it to pieces as it hit the wall.
When the words I uttered entered my heart I broke down in tears and fell to my knees. The gravity of my hopelessness became apparent when I realized that existence of God was now a question in my heart.
The sense of hopelessness was so heavy that it overwhelmed my entire being leaving me with the inability to see, feel, or hear God. I imagine I must have broken my mom’s heart in that moment because I broke my own heart that day. Even worse, I broke God’s heart.
But God!! God was not intimidated or threatened by my doubt. Instead, He set out to remove the question, “Does God exist?” from my life.
As I knelt in my kitchen in God’s loving embrace, it was my parents’ prayers that had moved the heart of God revealing to me the intense power of a parent’s love. In that moment, flooded by His presence, He said,
“Andrea, I’ve always been here, but now you know. I am your Father and have never left your side.”
Those words still bring tears to my eyes. The hopelessness I had been feeling in that season of my life had overwhelmed me and caused me to question God’s existence, BUT GOD! God showed up where I was and revealed that He is a good Father; He always had been. I just wasn’t aware.
From that moment on I never felt alone. I knew my Father had been with me in my darkest hours and that He would never leave my side. He was, is, and will always be a good Dad.
“Look with wonder at the depth of the Father’s marvelous love that he has lavished on us! He has called us and made us his very own beloved children. The reason the world doesn’t recognize who we are is that they didn’t recognize him. Beloved, we are God’s children right now; however, it is not yet apparent what we will become. But we do know that when it is finally made visible, we will be just like him, for we will see him as he truly is. And all who focus their hope on him will always be purifying themselves, just as Jesus is pure.”
1 John 3:1-3 TPT
Pray this with me:
Father, there are times the world attempts to overshadow Your love for me. At times, I don’t realize that the rejection from humans have caused me to doubt Your love. You have never rejected me. You not only created me by breathing life into me, but you formed me. I am not only Your creation, I am your child. You are my Father, and not just any father. You are a good Father.
When the trials and evil of this world cause Your goodness to fade in my life, may your Holy Spirit bring Your love to the forefront, reminding me that YOU ARE MY GOOD FATHER.