First I hung my medals. Then I went searching for my book with all my racing bibs. There were so many and I had to put them in one at a time. My mind was flooded with memories of doing something I love and the accomplishment of each one. Some bibs have more meaning than others, but each one is special for unique reasons.
My eye hit the bib to my first marathon. At one time this bib sat in a shadow box frame with its medal and a picture. One day filled with deep sadness and anger I threw it across a room watching it shatter into pieces.
I knew that I would regret throwing it all away so I shoved in the book with the other bibs and the medals were in a tote bag; both in boxes far away from my mind because I didn’t want to constantly be reminded of the pain that filled me all those years.
Running was/is my passion. It was my safe place. But because running was my coping mechanism during a horrible time in my life, it was tied together with lots of painful memories.
I’ve run over the last 2 years, but it’s been hard to really get passionate about it. I’ve had many runs where I break down crying and fight to push through because I believe the Lord can turn ashes into beauty. I won’t stay where I’m at. I must move past this because I KNOW that God made me a runner. I know that doesn’t sound very spiritual but I know it to be true.
I thrive when I’m running. My body feels great when I’m running and my husband can probably attest to the fact that when I do, my emotions are more balanced. I’m created to run. But, I’ve let my past stop me.
The last two weeks of the year I got to go on runs with my favorite running partner. The joy of running started to come back and I started to feel the warm and fuzzies thinking about races.
I ordered a new running watch and this bib & medal display. The Lord has been speaking to me about endurance since September, so it was the perfect one.
Hanging one bib at a time, reflecting on all the races, especially the half and full marathons, caused me to cry. I was overwhelmed with the hope of my healing. Here’s another piece of myself I had lost, but is now found. Here’s another area of my life that God healed. I don’t know when I was healed or how, but hanging the bib to my first and last marathon on my wall was a testament to God’s work in my life.
I thought I lost this part of me. Something I was so proud of at one point brought me so much pain it sat in storage in a dark box.
Today it’s on full display on my wall. A daily reminder of how good God is and that He is faithful to finish the good work he started in me. He’s not done with me yet – and I’m so thankful to Him.
I now look at this display, sigh, and smile. Not only is my story not finished, it’s just getting started.
2021 – My best year yet!